Moving in together is tough. You have to lay down many ground rules & you'll have to take on more roles than ever!
But your first apartment together can also be a huge source of joy -if you do everything right!
This extensive guide has all the first apartment tips you'll ever need! I'll teach you 17 insanely ideas to make moving in together as easy & fun as possible!
FIRST APARTMENT TOGETHER : 17 TIPS
01. See if you're on the same page about your future together
Moving in together is a huge achievement in any relationship. However, it's not as easy as it might seem like. It's a life-changing event, that should never be rushed!
The first step you should take with your partner before moving in together, is to determine if you're meant to last. You definitely don't want to settle for someone you don't see your future with or just because it is / it was convenient for you at the time.
So how do you actually decide if you CAN move in together?
First things first, ask your partner their short & long term goals in career, finance, your relationship & family, even their hobbies if you want!
Here are a few very useful questions if you're feeling stuck:
- Where do you see yourself in 2 years in your career? In 5 years? And in 10 years?
- Do you see us relocating soon because of your job?
- What do you expect from me in this relationship?
- What are your favourite & least favourite characteristics of mine?
- Do you see a future with me?
- If so, describe an ideal day in our life!
- If not, why not? How could I change to suit your needs better?
- When would you be ready to settle down & start a family?
- How many kids do you want?
- What's your preferred parenting style?
- What are the core morals & values you would want to teach our children?
Ask your partner & share your own expectations about your future as well! If most of your answers are similar, you can start thinking of moving in together. However, if your goals & aspirations differ too much, especially regarding career & family, I suggest you wait a little longer or start making compromises right away!
02. Have an in-depth money talk
Money rules everything & relationships are no exception either! It's the number 1 reason me & my boyfriend fought over most, and I'm sure everyone can relate. Money is a huge pain point in relationships, but with a little planning, you'll be okay!
Therefore I think that right after discussing your goals, you should IMMEDIATELY start discussing your finances!
Discuss how much both of you make, how much you owe, what your main financial goals are, how much you're willing to save per month & where your savings will go: a down-payment, vacation or your emergency savings?
If you can, try to get your partner to create a joint bank account, a savings account & an emergency savings account as well! I do think an emergency savings account is unnecessary, but if you'd like to separate your savings, go ahead & do that.
Personally, me & my partner decided to pay 25% of our income into our joint bank account. We use it to pay for rent, bills & groceries. We also have a savings account! Once again, 25% of our income goes to that, so that at the end of the year, we can fund a nice vacation & later on, our house! We've found that we can easily finance any emergency with this strategy.
And we're left with 50% of our income to save or spend! The amount we don't spend goes into our joint savings account as well!
But there's not a one-size-fits-all option here! You'll need to tailor your money strategy to YOUR possibilities & goals! So plan, plan, plan!
03. Share your expectations about living together
We all have our personal expectations when it comes to our first apartment together, as well as our non-negotiables. It's of high importance that you discuss both with your partner as soon as you can, since false expectations & failing to communicate your needs often lead to an early breakup.
So what exactly do I mean?
Let's start with expectations! Ask your partner what he or she hopes to gain from moving in together. Is it more frequent date nights? Is it to have you close to them? Is it to be able to save money for your first house? Is it to experience what it's like living with you or are they ready to settle down with you right away?
Have him or her describe their ideal day in the life of you two living together from morning to night! Who do they see doing the cooking? Who do they see going grocery shopping? Who do they see driving everywhere? Who do they see planning & executing your monthly budget?
This way, you'll get a good picture of what the other wants YOU to do / be in this relationship, so you'll know what kind of role you'll need to start preparing for. Of course, if it's not what you wanted, communicate that! Compromises can & NEED to be made so that the both of you can feel comfortable in the relationship.
When it comes to expectations, you'll also want to know what kind of vision your partner has for your home! Discuss your first apartment decor & design ideas here, as well as plans of pets, plants or even kids!
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04. Communicate your no-no's & non-negotiables
A first apartment together is always an endless source of fights. Let alone if you failed to communicate your no-no's, non-negotiables or anything you can't tolerate in your home!
Me & my boyfriend were fighting about petty things ALL the time, and it's because we didn't discuss our pet-peeves before moving in togother. So I think it's really important that YOU do!
For me, my personal non-negotiables were doing the dishes right after the cooking's done. Since the responsibility of cooking falls on me, he has to do the dishes. However, he didn't really enjoy doing them right aways, so he always left it for the day after. And let me tell you, I did NOT like that one bit! We always ended up fighting over those stupid dishes.
Since I've mentioned my pet-peeve of leaving the dishes for the day after, he's been diligently doing them ever since. He couldn't have known that this was a no-no for me.
And for him, his BIGGEST no-no was me not washing my hands after each step of preparing our food. He always lashed out on me! If I started chopping vegetables after cleaning the chicken breasts without washing my hands, he would get so mad!
But with proper communication, we were able to stop doing things the other was not a fan of.
So I suggest you both start writing down your biggest pet peeves & start discussing what you CAN'T tolerate happening in your apartment. The most important pet-peeves regarding living together are:
- A cluttered workspace
- Failing to clean the sink after using it (after brushing your teeth or shaving your beard)
- Not tidying up your sofa after sitting on it
- Leaving used tissue paper everywhere
- Not washing your hands right after you come home
- Not using your slippers
- Drinking from your partner's glass
- Chewing too loud
- Leaving your dirty shoes on the carpet
- Neglecting to take out the trash
- Taking your partner's food without asking
- Leaving the toilet seat up
- Talking on the phone when your partner is working
- Leaving your clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the laundry hamper
Trust me, this idea is such a game-changer! You'll be able to avoid unnecessary fights over petty things if you talk things through ASAP!
05. Start discussing what you need & want in an apartment
Now that you're both on the same page, it's time to start thinking about WHERE you'll move. In this step, you'll want to start discussing what characteristics you're looking for in your first home together.
I highly suggest you both make a list of the characteristics of your ideal first apartment from most important to least important. If you have your needs & wants ranked, it's easier to make compromises, so this is really useful!
Here are a few key characteristics that I think both of you should consider & rank according to your preferences:
- Proxomity to city centre
- Are pets or kids allowed?
- Layout
- Number of rooms & size
- What is the surrounding like?
- Amenities
- Parking situation
- Rent
- Natural lighting
- Condition of the building & apartment
- Noise levels
- Public transportation
06. Be ready to make compromises
If you've created your list of traits you want in your first apartment together, it's time to start negotiating! Since your preferences will probably be different, you HAVE to be ready to make compromises!
This step in the process of moving in together can be such a breaking point! Especially if you two haven't experienced a big fall-out fight before.
But even then, making compromises is totally doable! You'll just both need to work on your communication skills & be ready to listen to the your partner!
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07. Share your vision for how you want your apartment to look
For me, one of the best things about finally moving in together was to decorate our apartment! If you're just like me & LOVE decorating, keep reading, because I share all my tips & tricks here!
First things first, share your vision for how you want your apartment to look & ask your partner to do the same!
Discuss what interior design style you want to decorate the apartment in, where you want to decorate most, what wall paint color ideas you have in mind, what kind of furniture you'd love to see in your apartment & what kind of flooring you'd be content with.
Next, make compromises!
Even if you're thinking of an organic modern look, but your partner fancies a coastal design more, you WILL be able to agree on a few things. You'll need to talk your ideas through thoroughly & decide who gets to decorate certain parts of your home.
Once again, I recommend creating a list from most important to least important apartment decor ideas! This will make it a 1000 times easier to identify those ideas that are the most valuable for you & to identify those that you'd be willing to sacrifice! I also highly suggest that you create a joint Pinterest account a few months before moving in & collect your favourite apartment decor ideas!
And finally, combine your ideas! If you do everything the way I told you to, you'll have more than enough time to settle things & to combine both of your personal preferences when it comes to decorating your first apartment!
08. Develop a first apartment budget
And here comes another HUGE pain point: your budget!
To make moving in together as seamless as possible, you'll want to develop a budget for EVERYTHING! I'll show you how exactly!
First, you'll want to create an overall budget for your first apartment together! Discuss & decide how much you're willing to pay for rent, moving, furniture, maintenance, appliances, everything!
Once you have your maximum budget, you'll want to develop a budget for each step of the process separately: how much you'll spend on moving, on decorating, on furniture max! This was necessary for us at least, because this way, there's no chance that you can't stay within your budget!
09. Create a list of both your must-haves & start negotiating
Even if you're moving into a pretty spacious apartment, you won't be able to bring everything you want! You'll HAVE to be ready to sacrifice a few of your beloved personal items so that both of you can have your essentials, but still have enough living space!
Once again, an extensive list will save your life & make moving in together MUCH easier!
So grab a pen & paper and start writing down ALL of your personal items you wanna bring with you into your new home. Items you use every day, like your coffee grinder & coffee machine, items that you need for your hobbies, like a yoga mat & dumbbells, as well as items that you hold near & dear to you, like framed photos of you & your friends, or your favourite plushie!
Of course, your partner will be doing this too!
Once you have everything you'd like to bring with you written down, start ranking the items! I suggest you create 3 different categories & rank your essentials within their own categories:
- Personal: include your sentimental personal items (gifts, photos, tickets)
- Everyday must haves: list items that you can't go without in your day-to-day life (skincare, makeup, hygiene products, coffee machine)
- Non-essential essentials: anything you need for your hobbies (baking supplies, weights for your workout, a yoga mat, a bookcase)
Sit down together & figure out how many items will fit into your first apartment together from each category! I think it's best if you bring a maximum of 6-7 items per category at first, and see if you can fit more once you've settled into your new apartment.
I say it's better to be safe than sorry!
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10. Compare & combine your daily routines
This step might just be the most crucial one in the process of moving in together, so you'll definitely want to keep reading! It's SO important that the next few steps are actually founded on this one!
We'll be talking about your daily routines here & how you can combine them! If you can't come to an agreement on how your daily routines are going to look like, you won't enjoy living together! And I'm speaking from experience.
However, it's SOO easy to align your daily routines! I had to do that with my boyfriend, so I know exactly what I'm talking about.
The first thing you'll want to do is write down your daily routine on weekdays, as well as weekends. Ask your partner to do the same.
Then, sit down & discuss what options would be suitable for the both of you. The "golden mean" is always the best choice, if you ask me, since it's closest to both of your routines.
For me & my partner, our daily routines were VERY different. I was a night owl, and he was an early bird. I usually woke up at around 8 both on weekdays & weekends & went to sleep at midnight. I could get nothing done in the morning, but I was full of energy after dinner & would frequently do most of my work from 6-11 PM.
On the other hand, my partner would wake up at 6 every day & get things done without a problem. However, he would be out of energy by the time I got to work, so it was really hard to spend quality time together.
How did we overcome the problem? We decided to start waking up at 7 every day, sleep in only on Saturdays & go to bed at 10:30 PM. That was the golden mean for the both of us, so it wasn't that hard or time-consuming to align our routines.
Try it out together!
11. Share responsibilities
One of the most important tasks to tackle when moving into your first apartment together is to share your responsibilities! What does this mean?
Well, you'll have lots of new responsibilities as a couple living together, so you'll need to assign each of these new tasks to either of you. Have a point-person for everything!
Someone will need to pay rent, someone will need to pay the bills, someone will need to keep in touch & communicate your needs to your landlord.
And the first thing you do after moving in should be assigning these roles! The sooner you know which roles you need to prepare for, the better!
12. Divide chores in an equitable way
When it comes to living together, you have to realize that it's impossible to go 50-50 at all times. It's better for the both of you if you divide chores in an equitable way, rather than equally.
And since you both already know each other's daily routines & most productive time of the day, wouldn't it be more mindful to assign to chores according to that? Trust me, your relationship will literally be saved! No one has to do something that does not fit into their day ever again!
Let me illustrate with a personal example. So I've mentioned that I do the cooking, but I'm mainly active in the evenings. On the other hand, my boyfriend does the dishes, but he's active in the morning. We decided that the vacuuming will be done by him, the dusting by me. We do the laundry together, but I do the ironing. And in return, he's the one going grocery shopping.
As a compromise, I always prepare our food in the mornings, so he can do the dishes right away. We do the laundry together in the morning, but I always do the ironing at night.
He also has a bit less responsibilities, so he's the one doing more of the workload 70% of the time. That's something we decided, because it just wasn't fair for me to get 50% of the household chores done with much less time on my hands. But of course, there are times when I'm the one doing more work, and I think it's natural!
It works for us, and will probably work for you too! This lets you be mindful of the other's time & possibilities.
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13. Use Sundays to prep for the work week as a team
What are Sundays for if not for planning your week ahead? Using Sundays to plan your WHOLE week is such a game-changer! Especially if you're new to living together.
I think you already know what I'm talking about, but let me highlight a key things that you can't forget to plan:
- Meal plan & grocery list for the week
- Date nights & mutual programmes
- Time for family & friends
- WFH workload
The key is to plan each of your personal & mutual activities. This way, the week will be tailored to both your individual, AND your mutual needs & possibilities.
14. Lay down rules when it comes to guests
You probably wouldn't like if your partner didn't take your preferences into account when inviting his or her friends over to your first apartment together. And he or she wouldn't like that either. So once again, it's better to be safe than sorry: you'll need to lay a few ground rules down!
Firstly, you'll both need to identify those that you're willing to let into your first apartment. Call me crazy, but not everybody is worth this gesture! I've actually had to "ban" a few friends of my partner from our home (they can hang out whenever they want to, but certainly not in our apartment :D), because they kept eating all of OWN food. I guess the snacks & drinks weren't enough.
He also had to ban a few friends of mine, because they kept sniffing around & inspecting everything we've got.
So once you manage to identify those that are worth letting into your apartment, start discussing other crucial things, like
- Maximum number of guests / party
- How long they can stay
- How much you're willing to spend on snacks & drinks
- Where they are allowed to enter
- How frequently to invite people over
Call me a party crasher, but these are literally life-changing boundaries that help you keep your sanity.
15. Don't stop dating & have fun
Now that I've probably discouraged you all from moving in together with these strict rules, I feel like I have to mention the importance of having fun!
You're with your partner for a reason! You love spending time with them. And even though you'll spend more time together in your first apartment, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're ACTUALLY spending quality time with them!
To avoid being just roommates, you'll have to keep the spark alive: organize a suprise date night, surprise your partner with their favourite snacks, cook them a homemade meal if they're exhausted, dance around your kitchen & have long conversations about your future.
Honestly, the smallest of romantic gestures will help keep your bond healthy. And if you keep falling in love with your partner, all of the tough times will pass by so quickly!
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16. Make sure you both develop your personal spaces
If you're anything like me, you NEED your personal space & " me time". Everybody needs that, so make sure both of you have your own personal spaces & make time for "me time"!
I know, it feels weird to spend time alone with your significant other right next to you, but you'll see how beneficial it actually is!
So create a small reading nook for yourself or set your office up in a corner!
You'll be able to immerse yourself in your hobbies & in your own thoughts, and you'll come back to each other feeling refreshed. It's weird, but a little time alone can actually make your communication better!
I usually work on my blog during my me time, in my own little office, while my boyfriend works on his side hustle as well. A few hours a week focusing on these hobbies has let us have much more to talk about, much more ideas to interchange. We also feel like our time together is of higher quaility, since we never take it for granted.
So I guess it works!
17. Create an "escape plan", just in case
I know, I know! I've basically ruined everything with this last idea. But even though no one wants to think, let alone TALK about it, it's always nice to have a backup plan!
So even if you're deeply in love, discuss how you would overcome a breakup!
First thing to consider is whose name to put on the lease. You definitely DON'T want both of your names on the contract, that's very risky! You can easily get in legal or financial trouble, because if your partner decides not to pay 50% of the rent anymore, 100% of it will fall on YOU! And then there's a lease break fee as well, so it's definitely not a cheap thing!
Then, try to discuss how you would go throught the breakup. Have a detailed plan for moving out, when you'd be collecting your stuff & how and when you'd withdraw your money from the joint accounts.
I know it's hard to talk about this, especially in those joyful times where you can't stop planning your future together, but be a bit realistic!
This post was all about your first apartment together.
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